yungmethuselah:

yungmethuselah:

Tbh I’m afraid to go to Portland. I’ve heard bad things about it and everyone who lives there, including its local squirrels and mushrooms, no offense.

What if I get attacked by a gang of kombucha homebrewers? What if a young tattooed couple hits me with their $1400 baby stroller? What if someone hands me a hempen flyer for a Christian hot yoga meetup? It’s too dangerous.

Go down a waterslide when it isn’t wet and you’ll understand why foreplay is so important.
Pussy put his ass to sleep, now he callin’ me NyQuil
― William Shakespeare (via whitegirlgrant)

mercedesbenzodiazepine:

I hate when you’re like “fuck it’s so hot” and someone’s like “well why don’t you take your jacket off?” Like bitch no…this is my outfit